Gravy
by llHero
Summary: Looking down at himself, he realized that the way he’d been walking down the hall, he kind of did look like he’d been with a man last night, but really it was just gravy in his boxers.M for later chapters. I just noticed a few theirthey're type of mistake
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: clever disclaimer which gets the point across that I do not own House or any of it's characters, but I wish I did

Gravy

"That was so not cool, dude."

He made it sound like a surfer-esque Keanu reeves was sitting across the room reprimanding him.

Wilson couldn't help but smile at him even as pissed as he was that his pants were now covered in his lunch.

"You make it sound like it was my fault you spilt my lunch all over me." He shot back while wiping chunks of gravy covered mashed potatoes onto the white tiled floor.

House reached over the coma patient with his cane and pressed the nurse call button on the side of the handrail.

"Clean up isle six!"

Wilson shot him another look as his friend yelled at the call button

"Oh, don't worry he…"

House motioned to coma guy with his cane

"Doesn't mind."

Wilson oddly stood up, feeling incredibly gross with mashed potatoes and gravy soaking into his slacks.

"Come on let's go…I need to change, this is so…gross"

He walked oddly out of Coma Guy's room, House trailing behind snickering at his movements."

" Shut up, it's your fault I can't walk right."

Cuddy glanced at them as they walked past her in the hallway, did she hear what she thought she heard? They had such an odd friendship. She noticed House noticing her staring.

"Yes, it's what it looks like, we slept together last night, it was magical, Jimmie here is just a little sore yet, but don't worry he'll get used to it."

He almost shouted that. A few others walking by who'd overheard stared for a second before continuing on their way.

Wilson got a disgruntled sort of look on his face as he stood for a second longer in front of Cuddy before having to jog a few steps to catch up with house, who had continued walking towards his office as if he had merely said "hello" to her.

He pushed the thought out of his mind that for a second he wished House were telling Cuddy the truth instead of joking. God, he had to stop getting these thoughts in his head. He'd been having them ever since he'd moved in with House. Maybe the divorce was having this effect on him. He hoped that was it, that the divorce was all this was. These feelings were new to him, sexual thoughts about his best friend…best guy friend…it was just scary. Hopefully it would all just go away after everything with Julie gets revolved.

He finally remembered to keep walking after a very sexual picture of House on his knees (if that were possible, it was his fantasy after all, anything was possible) helping to clean the mashed potatoes off of his pants popped in and out of his mind. He shuddered, not wanting to dismiss the image.

Looking down at himself, he realized that the way he'd been walking down the hall, he kind of did look like he'd been man fucked last night, but really it was just gravy in his boxers.

He contemplated saying something about everything to House, knowing he'd think it was all a big joke between them, but decided against it thinking he might not be able to pull off the actual joking part of it right now. He told House he owed him a new lunch instead.

"Oh, Wilson, we can skip the dates and get to the good part, I'm cheap like that."

"I'm hungry." He motioned to his mashed potato pants.

His friend just glared back.

"You should get changed, looking like that is just unacceptable, not professional at all."

He new House was just trying to avoid having to pay for something.

"House you know you have clinic duty, right?'

"Let's go."

House made a complete direction change and began walking the way they had come.

"I'm hungry, you made me spill your lunch all over your lap and now I don't have anything to eat."

Wilson got a new image of House that again involved mashed potato covered body parts, and then smiled; he knew that clinic threat would work. The ever so greatly despised clinic duty was a sure fire way to get House to do almost anything. He would probably fuck him if he offered to take it over for the next few months, he joked about it himself in his mind. He then stopped to wonder if House really would fuck him to get off clinic duty.

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He watched as House hightailed it to a table leaving him to pay. House got him with that all the time, "running" off as best he could last second telling the lady "together" before he fled. He grabbed a fistful of napkins and began rubbing at his pants as he made his way over to the small table House sat at waiting.

"So to what extremes would you go to get of clinic duty?" He waved a breadstick at him while asking before taking a bite off the end.

The thought about taking it over for him from before raced through his mind, he knew he'd never ask that specifically, but he couldn't help but talk about the subject, even if only to indulge his own new fantasy.

"Nothing I'm not already doing, I obviously don't have to go to any extremes, I've brilliantly avoided it pretty well thus far."

House grabbed the breadstick and took a bite. Wilson didn't do anything, accepting the fact long ago that House would do whatever he wanted with food labeled "Wilson's, eat and die." This breadstick did not have a cleverly labeled threatening sticky note, but it wasn't any different. It was Wilson's so it was House's. He watched House poke his fork into the rest of the lunch that did not belong to him, and sighed, he could never just sit and eat his own lunch without House's fork wandering into it.

"Why, what extremes did you have in mind?" House asked, his mouth full of food.

Why did he find this man attractive?

"Nothing I was just trying to think of something you wouldn't do, that way I would do everything humanly possible to put that in the way of you not doing clinic duty."

Wilson snatched his breadstick back. His hand grazing over House's as he did so. His heart sped up for a second at the contact; House having this new affect was going to be the death of him.

"Why, I thought you loved me jimmie." It was a statement not a question.

" It can be payback for all these years of torture you've put me through."

"You won't be able to think of anything anyways." He made a grab for the breadstick, missing.

Oh, House had no idea what things he had in mind for his friend

House took another bite of Wilson's lunch.

"You have to sleep with Cameron."

"What makes you think I wouldn't do that."

He would.

"Fine, you have to sleep with me." The words came out like they meant nothing.

Wilson saw House shift uneasily in his chair. He wanted House to think he was kidding so he could just say what he wanted out loud without really saying it, but he might have gone too far.

He gave him a lopsided Wilson-like grin before calmly taking a sip of his water.

"Is that a bet?" House smiled childishly back at his friend, like he'd just pulled the most miraculous toy out of the bottom of a cereal box.

Wilson made a mental note to thank God later about House not taking his comment seriously. He really liked the way this conversation was going, even if to House it was just messing around. He was slightly turned on… more than slightly.

"Definitely, I win and you do your clinic duty the rest of the year… like you should be doing anyways, you win and I do your clinic duty the rest of the year."

Wilson stared intently into those gorgeous crystal blue eyes; the look he gave to House was just daring him to take their conversation seriously. They held the gaze for what seemed like forever before a loud beep coming from his friend's pant's pocket caused House to break away and stand up abruptly, quickly announcing that the ducklings were in need of his brilliance. He was avoiding eye contact. Wilson figured he was slightly taken aback by the odd moment they had just shared. House gave him a friendly, unsure smile before rushing towards the door.

Wilson wasn't quite sure whether he'd blown it or not. His heart began to sink down a little in his chest as he began to figure out how he would play this off later.

House, almost out of the room, turned and pointed his cane at him. "Well, you'll just have to come over later and we can work it all out. I knew you loved me."

Wilson sighed with relief before turning back to his lunch, good this was all still one big joke between friends. He didn't mess anything up.

House had not known what to think after that odd stare they had shared before, but then remembered it was Wilson, who was all straight and no gay, who had no intention of ever sleeping with him, and had just done a pretty good job at messing with his mind. He knew Wilson would come over, drink beer, get drunk, and pass out. End of story.

House wasn't going to do his clinic duty anyways, so this bet really didn't mean anything…he was going to screw with Wilson's head about it all night long though. Wilson wasn't going to get away with making him feel so uncomfortable earlier; making people uncomfortable was his job.

Wilson was going to regret coming up with that bet of his, House would make sure of it.

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AN Thumbs up? Thumbs down?

R&R...much appreciated, also any ideas you'd like to share for the next chapter would be great.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own House or any of it's characters. I also don't own MST3K, I snagged some quotes because they fit House oh sp perfectly.

A/N: If you thought I'd never update...well, here it is. Review or it will take me even longer to update again.

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"What if today's the day, it all falls together?"

The thought was almost haunting, but it ran through Wilson's mind as he hopped the little wall and opened the glass door that separated his office from House's.

He did this just as House walked through the one leading in from the hallway. Wilson sat in an empty chair away from the others, who had been on time, like they should be, twiddling their thumbs while waiting for the man who had just walked in, the one that wasn't him, that is.

"He died gargling"

House gently dropped the file of Thomas A. Prinscly (not that he knew that was his name) on the table in his office currently occupied by three surprised, young doctors.

"What?" chase looked up from his sudoku.

"He died gargling, case closed."

"Our patient died gargling? Are you serious…like, he died while or from gargling?" Foreman sat arms crossed, eyebrow cocked.

"Yes from gargling. Well I guess it's kind of like drowning, or choking, actually."

"Who would want this man to die gargling?" Cameron looked shocked.

"Gee Davey, do you think it was …God?" House mocked imitating Goliath.

"No, that's not what I meant." She had her 'let's save all the cuddly bunnies of the world' expression on her face. " After all he's been through…I mean we were so close to figuring this all out, and now someone has to go tell his family 'It wasn't lupus, well, we're not really sure what it was…you see, he died while brushing his teeth.""

"And it looks like you've just volunteered!"

Before an argument could break out Wilson stood and announced he had to talk with House.

"It seems my presence is needed else where, duke this one out kiddies.

The two older doctors walked out together and made their way down the hallway.

"House, I can't come over tonight."

"Why that means I've won, doesn't it?" It seemed at that moment a thought literally hit him and he began to protest this.

"You have to come over, I rented Dracula and Star Wars."

"Which ones?"

"Dracula or Star Wars?"

"Both."

"Bela Lugosi and all of them."

Wilson didn't want to watch Bela Lugosi as Dracula, or Star Wars tonight. He wanted to win his bet, but the chicken inside him was taking over.

"I don't want to watch Bela Lugosi or Star Wars tonight. Those movies aren't even realistic. I have a conference anyways." The lies rolled off his tongue. In all honesty he loved watching those old corny horror movies, especially with House sitting next to him making fun of every little thing that could be poked fun at going on in the flick.

"Of course their realistic, remember if you're bitten by a bat you will convulse and turn into one, it's a scientific fact, I know, I'm a doctor.

Wilson just sighed. He didn't need another pointless argument. House was always right, even when he wasn't. Why he was just Mr. Master of the Earth, controlling everything, and everyone inside of it. He wasn't sure if House considered him close to an equal, maybe set him on a slightly shorter pedestal, or not, but House sure as hell took advantage of him whenever it seemed convenient, or whenever he just wanted to bug the hell out of his one and only friend.

"Well, I guess that makes you Mrs. Master of the Earth." House retorted.

Wilson hadn't realized he'd been talking out loud. He guessed he'd been "in the moment".

"Also, I better not speak my inner rantings out loud to the only person I have inner rantings about." This time his thought was kept to himself.

They walked in unison down the hall leading to the clinic.

"And you don't have a conference, I checked." House quickened pace leaving Wilson staring at the back of his Rolling Stones t-shirt.

Wilson was saved from further confrontation, just in the nick of time, by Cuddy. He'd purposely had them venture off in her general direction knowing she'd need to yell at House for something or another and he could make his speedy escape. He'd only needed to let House know he wasn't coming then dash off.

"House, your patient almost died. You can't just inject him with whatever pops into your head."

Wilson took this as his cue to sneak away.

"Sorry, I was distracted by the fifteen pounds of ass inside your seven pound capacity pants."

"House…" Anger was beginning to seep into her words

"Relax, luckily this procedure was done before death was invented."

"I'm serious, come with me."

"What? Here? Now? I mean I want to do it but WOW!" He spoke loud enough for all to hear.

People's heads turned and stared at the two with disapproving glares.

Cuddy sent an apologetic glance back before leading House to her office.

Waiting for the two doctors sat a couple. House, of course, didn't recognize them. But as he heard the door click shut behind him and saw an exasperated and pleading look from cuddy directed at him, he knew that he probably should know them. Probably the parents of the boy he'd "almost killed." Who, thankfully, was not the man who'd gargled himself to death.

"Okay, you've got me, what are we looking at and why are we looking at it?" He faked a look of pure bafflement and childlike suspicion. All he got in return was a warning glare from both Cuddy and…the boy's mother? He already disliked this woman, more so, at the moment, than anyone else he'd decided to dislike just after meeting them.

House pretended to concentrate hard for a few moments before peeking out of one eye at the occupants of the room, then shaking his head in disappointment.

"Apparently, hoping this…situation… is going to go away didn't work."

"What where you thinking? That we weren't going to confront you about this? A mother has to stand by her son, protect him. You make doing that very hard."

She was very pissed off.

"A mother has got to stand by her son no matter what a loser he is." He said in his "as a matter of fact" voice.

"I didn't do it for kicks and giggles. I don't do dangerous procedures because the effects make me happy" He switched to his overly excited voice." I love it! Look, Larry's corneas are bleeding!"

"His name is Bradley and I don't…"

"Look, that was an unofficial thing I just did." He mocked. "But it saved his life. Now store this image away for a later nightmare, you get in my way and he'll die. Unless the first stage of grief is pure unbridled joy, if you don't listen to me, you'll be hitting rock bottom by, " He checked his watch, "gee, if I don't hurry up you might be late!"

With that said he turned and walked out the door leaving the baffled parents and a, this not unheard of, furious Cuddy to mend the situation. He was looking for Wilson, that minor distraction wasn't going to get his friend off the hook.


	3. Chapter 3

This was beginning to get to House, no…not get to him, exactly…nothing really "got to him".

He was the one in charge, so that wasn't supposed to be possible when he pulled the strings and controlled the puppets.

He'd been looking for Wilson since his confrontation with Cuddy. He'd been a wonderful conductor of the situation, pulling his puppet by her invisible strings and walking out after his grand finale. Yeah, he was the one in charge.

So why was it so hard to find what he wanted?

This bet between the two of them had gotten him thinking. He'd begun to try and figure a way out of sleeping with Wilson and still winning the bet. He'd soon decided that he didn't need to think about this for very long at all. He knew his friend well and Wilson had made that bet because he knew he would win it, knew one hundred percent. He knew Wilson wasn't expecting House to follow through and sleep with him anyways, so Wilson would never have to even worry about what would happen if he'd decided to really take Wilson up on his offer, because Wilson knew he wouldn't.

"So either I sleep with him and win, or I don't sleep with him and still win." He chuckled….he knew hot to work it out now.

The bet was supposed to be "Sleep with Wilson and he would do my clinic work…don't sleep with Wilson and I'd agree to do it myself and not push it of on anyone else."

He knew even if he had lost he still wouldn't follow through with doing his clinic hours, Wilson just wanted to push him to his limit and find out how far he could push him before he'd give in and just do it. Well it wasn't the point who did the work in the end, just who won the bet.

He decided the best course of action would be to come on to Wilson as if he was really going to "win" the bet. Wilson would freeze up and push him away, he knew Wilson wouldn't be expecting this…but it was his way to win, he could kiss Wilson if it meant his pride would still be in tact. Once Wilson pushed him away it would then no longer be his fault if he couldn't sleep with him to win the bet, so Wilson would lose. There were a few flaws in this like…."it doesn't matter, you still didn't sleep with me, I never said I was going to let you…you lost." But he figured Wilson would be too taken aback by his action to argue his side.

He'd been walking while thinking of his "plan" and just barely missed catching sight of Wilson as he ducked into the elevator. Wilson spotted him as well, and his arm began to move back and forth quickly, repeatedly punching a button as if that would make it go any faster. " Who does that? " House thought to himself as he slid his hand through the crack that would have been the door connecting with the wall, but instead it bounced back and allowed him entrance.

"You've been avoiding me." He gave his signature "I have it all figured out" look.

"No, just in a hurry to get home…" Wilson shifted uneasily; he was waiting for a confrontation about backing out tonight to break out between them at any moment.

The door opened on the floor of their offices, but House's arm shot out in front of Wilson's torso, blocking him from exiting.

"Come on, let's go…we'll take your car."

House punched another button, which told the elevator to bring them back down to ground level. Wilson just ran a nervous hand through his hair and continued to shift uneasily.

House decided to walk silently, making Wilson worry slightly more, as they made their way out the doors and to the car.

"I'll drive." House quickly sat himself in the drivers seat. Wilson sighed loudly and walked around the front and opened the door to the passenger seat. House waited patiently as his friend slowly eased himself down, obviously aggravated.

He leaned towards his right and watched Wilson start to struggle with his seat belt, listening to him mumble things he couldn't hear entirely.

"Wilson!"

He saw his friend start a little. He, not giving Wilson proper time to respond, grabbed his chin and brought his face to his own. He captured Wilson's lips and wrapped his long fingers around the back of his head and tangled them in his hair. Wilson gasped silently and House slipped his tongue between the others lips. If he could have been smirking right now he would have been. Thoughts of his impending triumph ran rampant through his mind, fueling his drive to hungrily smother Wilson's mouth with his own.

House heard the seatbelt that had been in Wilson's hand a second ago zmmm back into the seat as he pulled back, lightly nipping on his friends bottom lip as he did. He stared back at the very scene he'd expected he'd be staring at when he pictured this scenario earlier. A flabbergasted Wilson, mouth agape, and that wide-eyed owl kind of look on his face. House began to put the smirk on he'd been thinking about moments ago, but stopped before the triumphant look graced his face.

Wilson had closed his eyes and gingerly brought his fingers up to where their lips had met. He let them linger for a few moments before his face lit up the slightest bit and a small, barely noticeable, smile grew in their place.

"Wilson?"

House's voice seemed to shake Wilson out of whatever state of mind he'd been in. House sat in silence for a full minute and was about to ignore whatever had just happened with his friend and gloat when unexpectedly he felt a hand wrap around and pull his head forwards bringing his lips into a smoldering kiss. He sat shocked while Wilson roughly grasped him and pulled their bodies closer. A giant red flag flew up in the back of his mind and warning sirens began blaring in his brain. This was not what he expected, not how his plan was supposed to work out…

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Dun dun dun!

R&R! Next chapter will be coming…sometime


	4. Chapter 4

The song playing on Wilson's radio that had started when he'd twisted the key in the ignition upon entering was now, and had been, the only sound coming from that car for the last minute and a half, it's soft lyrics filling the small space with the melody of Elton John's "Your Song."

If only when he'd started the car and some teenage heavy metal "I want to rip your heart out" kind of music had come on then maybe Wilson wouldn't be staring back looking at him…that way, maybe none of these last ten minutes or so would have happened, and he wouldn't have needed to be staring stunned at the steering wheel for the last minute and a half.

Or at least if he'd have left the car off when they'd gotten in it would have been better. This, thing, still would have happened, but at least there wouldn't be somebody singing to them in the background about "how wonderful life was now you're in the world." But try as he might to wake himself up out of this whacked out dream, it really had happened and there really was somebody singing in the background about "how wonderful life was now you're in the world." He had to get out of here.

House broke his staring contest with the steering wheel and shot an intended "look to kill," but not quite pulling it off the way he normally could. He settled for looking Wilson square in the eyes, oddly enough, at the exact time his least favorite person of the moment, Elton, proclaimed "yours' are the sweetest eyes that I've ever seen." After briefly contemplating this statement applying to Wilson's and thinking of how this would most definitely be perfectly romantic if he'd been the romantic type and oh, yeah , if they had been lovers. He inwardly cursed Elton John and angrily hit the radio button, realizing afterwards it hadn't been the best idea, as it turned out, this only added to the already tense situation that had begun to build up when Wilson's steering wheel had become incredibly interesting and needed his undivided attention. Not that the fact that Wilson had just kissed him wasn't weird but things were much, much weirder silent.

Decidedly not knowing what to do, which was not an issue he encountered often, he put on his best scowl face before turning away and fumbling with the locked door. He didn't glance back to see his friend's face drop to look like one of a kicked puppy's as he pushed the unlock button, swung the door open, excited the car, and slammed it shut behind him for dramatic affect. He paused momentarily before stalking off towards his motorcycle, cursing the millions of thoughts rushing through his head unmercifully causing it to ache. He tried to shut them out as he threw on his helmet and sped off into the night.

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Wilson sat. He'd been sitting in the same spot for the last ten minutes. At first he was just shocked, shocked House had kissed him, shocked he'd had the courage to have kissed him back, then painfully shocked that he was now sitting alone. It'd taken him the first five minutes to get over his shock. It had taken the next two to figure out what had just happened. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he knew what House had done, he'd attempted to win the bet by acting like he was going to ravish him right there, House hadn't expected him to kiss back. If House hadn't left him light headed and in a schoolgirl giddy like trance afterwards, then maybe he would have realized what was going on before he went and ruined their friendship, if he'd have realized he would have just let him win. He shouldn't have even made that bet. This entire situation was undeniable entirely his fault.

He'd spent the last three minutes just staring blankly out the window. Confused and distraught he buried his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair before composing himself the best he could. He sighed quietly as he hit the button on the radio and his CD resumed from where it had left off. He hit the repeat button and settled back into his seat, zipped his jacket up and rested his head on the window.

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He hadn't planned on sleeping in his car, he hadn't really planned on doing anything at all, he'd just ended up falling asleep after spending most of the night staring off into space and wondering what the hell he was going to do tomorrow. It was around 4 in the morning when his body finally decided his seat was just as good as his bed and allowed him to drift off. He didn't wake up till about 11 when the door he was leaning on had been pulled abruptly open and the pavement hit his face as a wake up call. Elton John's voice filled the parking lot as he groggily half sat up to see the backside of a man limping away towards the hospital entrance. He quickly scrambled to his feet to catch up to him, leaving his car running, door open, and "their song", as he had renamed it, playing for anyone close by to hear.

He was a few steps behind him when he called out to House.

"What do you want to do Jimmy, hug and make up?" House hadn't even bothered to turn around.

Wilson firmly placed his hand on House's forearm to stop him.

House glanced back, venomously spitting out, "Or should I say hug and make out?"

He turned around and quickened his pace; resisting the urge to wipe away the blood he saw dripping down Wilson's face from when his nose had hit the pavement, from when he had caused Wilson to hit the pavement. He left his friend standing for a minute behind him before he heard, and ignored, Wilson calling after him. It wasn't seconds after he'd caught up to him that House had begun to try to drive him away again.

"You're pathetic. Go home and take a shower, blow dry your hair, get changed. Bug somebody else."

He noticed Wilson quickly scanning his body before defiantly meeting his gaze.

"You didn't go home either. Your wearing the same thing as yesterday, hell, you look like you've been out all night."

He ignored Wilson's statement as he watched blood slowly trickle down his friend's defiant face, his anger leaving his body. Wilson brought his hand up to his nose and looked at the blood on his fingers, let out an exasperated sigh, and went to bring up a sleeved arm to wipe it away.

House caught his arm midway to his face and squeezed it tightly; Wilson went to pull away but was stopped when he saw House's eyes staring intently into his. House didn't really know what the hell he was doing as they stood for a few moments before he let go of Wilson's arm, pulled his own sleeve over his hand and brought it to his friends face, slowly wiping away the blood, letting his fingers trail over his lips as he brought his hand away.

Wilson broke eye contact first, mouth slightly agape after feeling House's fingertips brush over it gently, when he looked at the ground, staring at his feet. By the time he had finally dared to look back up, House, not knowing why he'd just done that, had disappeared into the hospital. With his nose throbbing, he made his way back to his car to turn Elton off.

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R&R!


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